Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
