If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
my liver is dry heaving
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
