If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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