either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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