Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
