I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
