One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
