You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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