i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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