You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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