I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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