That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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