it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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