I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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