I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He better not be in your backpack
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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