he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
