Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
