Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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