Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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