as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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