who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
