Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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