Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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