My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
