just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
