my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
