jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
