Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
