Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
