I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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