nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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