I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
