im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
