Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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