I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
