I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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