Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
