i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
