If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
