Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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