They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
