FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
