I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
