It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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