Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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