His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize