Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize