I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
