ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
