I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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