I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
