shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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