I'm eating all of the evidence.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
