Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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