We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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