he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
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I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
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Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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