my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
