His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
