I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
