I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
