So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
