And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
