I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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