Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
