He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
