she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
