youre lurking in front of me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
third nipple confirmed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
