Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
