so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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